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The Crossroads Between Operating in Obedience or Out of Obligation in Relationships

Writer's picture: Teia Acker #RESILIENTTeia Acker #RESILIENT

Updated: Nov 3, 2024

Relationships are complex, whether romantic, familial, or friendships, and the motivations behind our actions can often dictate the health and longevity of these bonds. One of the most critical distinctions we need to make is between operating in obedience versus operating out of obligation.


What Does It Mean to Operate in Obedience?


Operating in obedience means aligning your actions with a higher standard or calling, guided by love, respect, and a desire for harmony. In the context of relationships, this often means serving and caring for others because you genuinely want to, not because you feel compelled to by external pressures. Obedience isn’t about losing your autonomy; it’s about choosing to act in accordance with values that elevate your relationships. When we operate in obedience, we are usually following our moral compass or faith, fostering relationships based on mutual respect and love.


For example, consider the concept of “obedience” in marriage. In many faith traditions, obedience isn’t about submission to control but about submitting to love, honoring each other as equals. It’s about choosing to love, serve, and uplift each other because of a shared commitment to something greater than yourself.


The Weight of Obligation


On the other hand, operating out of obligation feels heavy. It comes from a place of duty, often driven by guilt or societal expectations, rather than a genuine desire to give or connect. When you feel obligated in a relationship, the joy of service and connection is lost, and resentment can quietly take root. Relationships built on obligation may continue out of habit or pressure but lack the depth and intimacy that obedience fosters.


Obligation might sound like:


• “I have to stay in this relationship because it’s expected.”

• “I should do this for them, even though I don’t want to.”

• “I owe them my time/attention, even though I feel drained.”


Operating out of obligation can create an unhealthy cycle where both parties are deprived of authentic connection, as actions are driven by duty, not love.


How to Choose Obedience Over Obligation


Examine your motives: When you feel tension in your relationships, ask yourself if your actions are coming from love or pressure. Are you acting to maintain peace, or are you truly invested in the well-being of the other person?

Set boundaries: If you find yourself doing things solely out of obligation, it may be time to set boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow you to give out of abundance, not exhaustion or guilt.

Cultivate a servant’s heart: Serving others doesn’t mean martyring yourself. When you operate in obedience, you serve with joy because it’s a reflection of your values and faith, not because you’re trying to meet an external expectation.

Communicate openly: If you feel that you are stuck in a pattern of obligation, have an honest conversation with the other person. Relationships thrive when both parties feel valued and heard.


Conclusion


At the crossroads of obedience and obligation lies the key to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. By choosing obedience, we align ourselves with a higher calling, one that nurtures and sustains connection. Obligation, on the other hand, can erode trust and lead to resentment over time. If you find yourself at this crossroads, choose the path of love, respect, and intentionality—and watch your relationships flourish.

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