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What Did You Expect?

Daily, I ask myself (and the Lord of course) HOWWWWWWWW!!!!! WHHHYYYYYY!!! I think he gets a laugh or two out of it. But I am so serious when I ask him because I really want to know HOW and WHY! I ask him about the changes in my businesses, my worth, my marriages, my kids, my city, my state, my family, my friendships... like everything. I remember having a very hard day last week and instead of crying and I literally wrote God a note. In the middle of the note, he said "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" Immediately puzzled, I responded in my "back in the day" attitude "DUDE, NOT THIS". This is TOOOOOOO MUCH!

I paused in that moment and reflected on the times I'd said this before and the times HE had heard me and answered. Even in knowing that this was a test, I still felt like it was too much. I had come to the realization that everything I had experience was because of my expectations. I had become so accustomed to setting expectations for myself and others that I did not realize that it could one day turn the other way. For example, I had very high expectations for being successful after obtaining my third degree. Instead, I am an entrepreneur with student loan debt. I had very high expectations that my friends and family would support me to the level that I support them. Instead, I feel like they either don't believe or they simply don't care. My desire to see peace and racism subside was an expectation that has yet to come to pass.

A good friend of mine reminded me two days ago that expectations only lead to disappointment. I hated him for saying that because I should be able to have expectations and see them come to fruition. However, what he meant was - it is ok to set expectations and goals for yourself because you are in control of your story, your life, the narrative. But, setting expectations for others is dangerous. It could lead to resentment, disappointment, and in some cases anger or bitterness. Listening to him made me think on the words God said to me "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT". I had to realize that the only "sure thing" about life was my faith in the belief that God would not put more on me than I could bear and that he gives me choice to put things on myself or remove things that disturb my peace. My expectations should align with what he has for me and not what I desire to get from others.

WHAT DO I EXPECT? I expect to find peace in not being perfect and understanding that life isn't perfect. I expect to create my own happiness and security without depending on others. I expect to value me when others don't. I expect to respect myself enough to know when it is time to shift in any area of my life. I expect to create the life and surroundings I desire to see and I NO LONGER expect that to come from outside of my reflection.


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